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hable-con-ella:

You can’t say, “Oh, wouldn’t it be funny if I loved you?”

hable-con-ella:

You can’t say, “Oh, wouldn’t it be funny if I loved you?”

#gh


"Noel: You sit there on your cushion, dissing everyone.
Simon: What’s wrong with sitting on a cushion?
Phil: Show them the cushion.
Simon: There’s nothing wrong with sitting on a cushion!"
— Never Mind The Buzzcocks, Season 21, Episode 04 (via hable-con-ella)


"Not only did he ruin my life for five years, he’s ruined this."
— Simon Amstell, at the end of his tale about his unrequited love for Ben Whishaw. x (via whishawbendragon)
#dn




"

I felt like there was a flirty vibe between us, but I wasn’t sure, and I HAVE to be sure… When I was running up the Champs-Élysées with the people in Paris, one of them asked if he could come back to my hotel room that night because he said the Metro wasn’t going to be able to get him back to HIS hotel. I knew he was sort of making that up, but I didn’t know. I knew he liked me a bit, but I didn’t know.

It got to the point where we’re in my hotel room, we’re both under the covers half naked, and I’m STILL going, ‘My god, but what is this? What is this? I don’t know what this is! What is this? WHAT IS THIS? My penis is in his mouth, but is he joking?!’

"
— Simon Amstell explaining my life in his stand-up special “Do Nothing” (via roses—and—rue)

rachcoco:

Illustration of Simon Amstell, a comedian whose work covers a lot about depression and anxiety, and was super helpful to me during the 2nd semester of the last school year.
have a nice day!

rachcoco:

Illustration of Simon Amstell, a comedian whose work covers a lot about depression and anxiety, and was super helpful to me during the 2nd semester of the last school year.

have a nice day!



@HorneSection: Rehearsals with simon Amstell at Horne towers today…

@HorneSection: Rehearsals with simon Amstell at Horne towers today…


hable-con-ella:

- How much would they pay you for the play?
- Oh, I don’t know, I’m rich in soul.

hable-con-ella:

- How much would they pay you for the play?

- Oh, I don’t know, I’m rich in soul.

#gh


quietly-together:

The Trews, episode 27


""Smack my bitch up" doesn’t actually mean "beat up my girlfriend." It’s actually just pimp slang for getting your act together. Similarly tonight, I’m going to set fire to some orphans and eat their charred remains, have a cup of tea and a bath!"
— Simon Amstell, Never Mind The Buzzcocks (via speculationspectrum)